Dear French
Nation!
by
David Tsal
To: French Embassy in Washington French Consulate in Los Angeles Dear French Nation!
As a Jew, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I would like to thank your President Jacques Chirac for saying that Israel needs to be convinced that peace is better than war. Never mind that peace (shalom in Hebrew) is the most common word in Jewish prayers. That it is endlessly repeated in synagogues, when greeting or taking leave, when getting up or going to bed. Never mind that shalom (peace) is mentioned 77 times in the Torah, and 275 times in the Jewish Bible (The Old Testament of Christians.) Never mind that of all the world's literature the United Nations chose
to inscribe the words of Israeli Prophet Isaiah on the wall across from
its building in New York. Here are these words, "and they shall
beat their Never mind that these words are said in every synagogue at nearly every assembly, and that peace is called "God's greatest gift." Therefore, the President of the Nation that still venerates general Napoleon would do better teaching cows how to make milk, or teaching grass how to grow quietly than teaching Jews (Israelis) that peace is better than war. At the same time, where is your condemnation of the suicide bombers
who blow up cafes full of mothers and young children, religious men
coming out of prayer services, or dance halls full of teenagers? Or
the rash of Thank you, Jacques Chirac, for informing me about the encyclopedic
extent of your ignorance. I would like also to thank the unnamed cinema
near the Paris Opera for canceling a screening ofthe "Harry Potter"
film France was the first country in Europe to offer Jews this guarantee,
and now it is apparently also the first to revoke it. I congratulate
your great Nation for keeping up at the foreskin of progress, no matter
in which And how can I not mention the doctorate degree in history, which was
offered to Mustafa Talas (who just happens to be Syria's Foreign Minister)
by La Sorbonne? The Honorable Doctor Talas has written a book You French are just wonderful: not only do you keep at the cutting
edge of progress, but also revive ancient traditions. (The Damascus
Blood Libel started with the disappearance of Father Thomas, a Franciscan I also cannot forget the events of October, 2000, with synagogues firebombed and burned, Jewish worshipers attacked and stoned. I know that President Chiraq spoke out against all this, saying that this is not what he meant when he criticized Israel. Well, as English playwright Shakespeare said, "Methinks the Lady doth protest too much." The President's criticisms of Israel had been (and remain) so extensive, so common and so unforgiving, that I cannot possibly believe him. The events of October, 2000 are exactly what he meant. And if there is any doubt about it, your ambassador to the United Kingdom Daniel Bernard has cleared it up. Not only did he call Israel "that shitty little country," (quite a polite and diplomatic fellow is Daniel Bernard, is he not?) but he also ante-factum (before the fact) blamed the Jewish people for starting World War Three. My greatest gift of gratitude, therefore, goes to him. He has discovered in me (after all, I belong to "those people") a horrifying quality of causing world wars, a terrible character flaw about which I hitherto had been completely unaware. He has also forewarned us of our pre-assigned guilt. I would like to inform you that I have decided to join the campaign against France. I will not visit or fly through France and its colonies of Guadeloupe, Martinique, and St. Pierre. That I will also boycott all products made in France, including perfume and cosmetics industry, designer fashion labels, French wines, chocolates, etc. That I will use my money to buy Israeli products, and travel to Israel and other countries who still think that Jews are human and should not live at the mercy of Palestinian terrorists. I will also contact all people I know and try to get them to do the same. Let it be a humble manifestation of my gratitude. Sincerely, David Tsal Shalom!
|